in a sense gone
by Caliente
Summary: one-shot vignette set shortly after NM v1 #23 –– Sam wants to know why Dani's been copping an attitude with him but she's not talking and it all comes down to a battle of stubborn teenaged willfulness. –– FanFic100 #65: Passing; WARNING: not exactly a happy ending


**Author's Note: **Just a little between-the-panels not-quite-romance I've been tossing around for a while. Regarding continuity, this is set after New Mutants v1 Annual #1 (in which Sam met Lila Cheney for the first time and the pair hit it off) and New Mutants v1 #23 (which contains the event Dani refers to as being the reason for why she's upset)—which are only a couple of issues apart, anyway. The title comes from the Anberlin song _Never Take Friendship Personal_, which I definitely do _not _own. Also, this is unbeta'd, so lemme know if there are mistakes. Hope it's enjoyable! Cheers.  
**Disclaimer: **Characters mentioned are used without permission and are trademarks of Marvel Characters, Inc. I do not own them and am simply borrowing for my purposes. Please don't sue.

**in a sense gone**  
by, Caliente

"We are _not_ talking right now." She's standing with her hands on her hips and fire in her eyes. He knows he should be intimidated but, mostly, he's troubled. It isn't supposed to be like this between them; this isn't their way.

Except that, apparently now it is. (Which makes exactly zero sense to him because, okay, so they've never been _best_ friends but there's always been something like respect between them and he has no idea how or why that's changed.)

He feels the slow build of frustration low in his belly because he _doesn't understand_ and she _won't explain_. That's when he decides he's had enough and he pushes her—"Why?"

Surprise, surprise, she digs her heels in. (Girl can be stubborn as a mule when she puts her mind to it.) "Because I don't _want_ to."

Unfortunately for her, he's got her cornered (physically speaking, at least). "Sorry but that ain't good enough this time, Chief." He can be stubborn, too—when he's got cause. (Wouldn't have survived in a house with as many siblings as he's got otherwise.) So she can huff and puff all she wants. Not even her meanest glare is going to have him backing off, not today.

She must realize this because she throws her hands up, visibly irritated. "What do you want me to say, Sam?" It's more of a demand than a question.

He answers her all the same. "The truth would be nice." He grimaces, knowing she won't respond well to his knee-jerk response and tries again. "Just tell me what happened; tell me what changed."

Her jaw clenches briefly. "Nothing changed!"

Crossing his arms, his expression lets her know he's not buying it. "Then why's your temper runnin' on empty?" he asks pointedly.

There's a pregnant pause where she stares daggers at him and he silently refuses to back down. "Because!" she bursts out when he still won't be cowed. "Nothing changed!"

He blinks, confused. "What?" Of all the things he'd thought might come out of her mouth, that didn't even bear consideration. (Not the least bit because it doesn't make a lick of sense.)

Expression sullen, she stares at a spot over his left shoulder. "Nothing; it's stupid."

Grabbing her shoulders, he waits until she meets his gaze before replying. "If it's botherin' you, Chief, it ain't stupid."

It's then that he sees the vulnerability hiding behind her anger. "You—" She takes a breath. "You _saw_ me." Her voice drops. "_All_ of me."

His ears redden at the memory and his arms fall back to his sides because now it feels _wrong_ somehow to be touching her. (God, he's so damn awkward.) "But… you teased me." That's always been their way of making things okay—the teasing and taunting and playing jokes. (It's really the only way to live with the fact that the world fears and hates them, that any day could be the day that someone comes to try and eliminate them all. Again.)

So if it _wasn't_ okay, then why pretend otherwise? He really doesn't understand her. (And, honestly, he thinks he probably never will. But that won't stop him from trying.)

"'Course I did, you dope!" She scrubs her palms over her eyes, visibly exasperated. "Boys aren't the only ones who—" She shakes her head. "Ugh, never mind. Just forget it." She tries once again to move past him.

He's not having any of that, though; he's getting some real answers this time, damn it. "_Dani._"

Crossing her arms, she blows the hair out of her eyes. "I teased you because I was embarrassed, _okay?_" She says it like it's some great annoyance to admit it but he suspects that's her way of protecting herself. "I felt," she chuckles but it's more ironic than humorous, "_exposed_—even after I was dressed."

Everything about his countenance screams compassion. (Honestly, he'd like to hug her, but he's pretty sure she'd sock him if he tried.) "It's okay to let your guard down sometimes, y'know."

"I'm not built that way, Sam—you _know_ that." She sighs because they both know it's true. She's as protective of her feelings as she is of her teammates. "But I knew I could lean on you; I've _always_ leaned on you. And I trusted you when you asked me to."

It's times like these that he wonders if there really is some kind of language barrier between the sexes because he _still_ doesn't get what she's really trying to say. (He's certain it's more than just the words she's said.) Brows furrowed, he takes a slow breath. "So then what—?"

She's not quite meeting his eyes again. "I've seen the way you look at 'Mara, and I remember how you looked at Angelica. I saw your jaw hit the floor when we dolled up Rahne, and I've even caught you sending glances to Yana when you think she won't notice." She shakes her head. "But you an' me…"

His expression is bashful as he scratches the back of his head and tries not to imagine the scolding his momma would give him if she was there. "Thought you saw me as your awkward, lanky oaf of a co-leader," he says, shrugging a little. (That last part, especially, helped dissuade any potential sideways glances being sent her way—and the part where she sometimes intimidates him as much as Yana.)

"Yeah but I still have faith in you, don't I?" She tries to smile but it's bittersweet. "I still let you help me up and trust you to catch me when I fall. Guess how many other people in the world can say that?" (He doesn't have to; he knows it's a short list.) She tries to hide it when her face flushes. "'Sides, I think your big ears are kinda… cute."

"Dani—"

She holds up a hand to stop him. "Don't. Just don't, Sam. _Please_." There's something heartbreaking in her voice and it makes his chest tighten unpleasantly. (He doesn't like that he's at least partly responsible for the sadness found there even if it was unintentional.) "You'll grow into those ears someday and sweep some beautiful lady off her feet and get your happily ever after because that's what you deserve."

He wonders if that's really true because he sure doesn't _feel_ deserving right then. He feels like an idiot. (Which is probably the reason he tries again.) "Dani—"

But she just plows over him in her determination to have her say. It's not the first time and he doubts it'll be the last. (He wishes she wouldn't, though; he thinks people might surprise her sometimes if she'd just give them a chance.) "And when people will ask me why we never happened, I'll tell them it's 'cause you aren't my type." The corner of her mouth quirks up but she doesn't look happy. More resigned than anything else. "To save my dignity."

Despite his self-preservation instinct telling him to back off, Sam moves a little closer. With one hand he cups her cheek and gently brushes the hair on her forehead aside with the other. It feels important, seeing her eyes right then. Like maybe if he can catch her gaze she might just be willing to listen. "C'mon, Chief…"

"See?" she finishes as if he hasn't spoken, as if there aren't tears pricking the corners of her eyes. "That way everybody wins."

Except, he thinks, for her. For both of them, maybe, although he isn't entirely certain. He's still wrapping his mind around the idea that she could even consider him as anything but a clumsy older brother. "That what you really want?"

She shrugs. "Don't matter what I want, Hayseed," she answers. Wrapping her hand around his, she gives a squeeze before removing it from her person. "That's the way it'll go because that's how the world works." (READ: They, none of them, ever catch a break.)

Mouth drawn into a sharp frown, he considers this momentarily. Then he rejects it—he's not that cynical, not yet. "And what about what _I_ want?" That has to count for something, right? (Or maybe it doesn't, considering the way she already seems to have scripted the outcome.)

"What _about_ what you want?" she tosses back to him, raising one brow. He can practically see her throwing the walls up around her again and suppresses a sigh. (There'll be no arguing with her now—if there even was before.) "You already got her."

The image of Lila comes into his mind unbidden and he can't ignore the way his chest swells at the thought of her. (But is it the real or the ideal? He doesn't think he's known her long enough yet to be certain.)

Still, this time when she moves to leave, he lets her go. And, as he watches her retreat, he wonders if he'll ever really understand what just happened between them—and why it is he feels so badly about it.

* * *

**AN2:** The excuse Dani says she's going to use for why she and Sam didn't get together ("he's not my type") is the one she gave to Shan in X-Force v1 #75 when she asked about just that.


End file.
